Updated: Oct 23, 2018
We all have that moment when we interact with someone close to us and we are triggered to feel frustration, anger, bitterness or disappointment. UGH!
Relationships are a great place to experience the full range of emotions, right?
And while that's not always a bad thing, it would be nice to deliberately create more harmony and peace in relationships - especially with those closest to us. It takes some practice and self-mastery to shift into a new feeling when things are stressful, but it is possible.
Here's a suggestion for how to practice being at peace with people in your life, and consequently, developing a more peaceful existence within yourself and outside yourself. (In this scenario, I'm talking about loved ones, not strangers.)
The next time you notice thoughts or feelings of irritation about someone close to you, take a moment to breathe and ask yourself ...
1. "Why am I truly irritated with this person?" If you allow yourself to drop into your heart as you ask the question, you may find that the answer has to do with loving that person and wanting what's best for them. 2. You can then ask "What it the true reason for my irritation?" and again, drop into your heart. You may find the answer to be, "I'm irritated because they won't see things my way. My way is right and their way is wrong. And by not agreeing with me, I feel a sense of being (some negative emotion) and I DON'T LIKE THAT FEELING" 3. And with this awareness, you can ask yourself "What do I really want to feel in this moment?" And listening with your inner ear, from your heart you may hear yourself say "I want to feel love for them, and I want to feel love from them. It really doesn't matter who's right or wrong...in fact, I'm not even really sure that what I'm thinking is correct, there may be information that I don't have and I'm not open to hearing from them. And the truth is, I do Love them." 4. And from that place of new awareness of your inner truth, you can make a choice about how you want to feel, and maybe even ask for help saying something like "I am willing to feel the love I have for this person now, I am willing to be at peace within myself and trust that whatever needs to happen is being worked out as I choose to stay in a space of LOVE for MYSELF and for them."
Whatever your answers are to these questions, taking the time to uncover the truth behind YOUR feelings will always yield results that are beneficial. This kind of mindfulness definitely takes practice. But I have found it to be almost miraculous in its effectiveness to not only make me feel better but also to CHANGE the dynamic of my relationships and make them better.
The most important idea that I want to share that goes to the core of developing more loving relationships is that feeling more love FROM others is only truly possible when we cultivate more SELF-LOVE.
As we become more love we experience this love as a reflection in those around us. We become more aligned with our inner truth and frustration, anger, bitterness, and disappointment are transformed into satisfaction, peace, success, and delight!
More self-love makes it less likely that another person in disagreement with us will trigger negative emotions in the first place!
More self-love makes it more likely that we will respond from a place of love instead of reacting from a place of pain.
Have you tried a technique like this? Do you have any examples of how practicing inner peace changes things?
Do you have any questions or examples of how this technique doesn't work?
If you have never practiced this way of being, give it a shot and share your experience!
"Don't just think about it. Be about it."
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